beyond the front door

yesterday the residents of a neighbouring house were trying to gain entrance through the reluctant entrance door which refused to budge...a few heroic attempts, a few frantic calls, a few curse words later the door understood the conundrum and decided to be mollified...i remembered my own experience of coming back in the middle of the night after a late night show and finding that i didn't have the key, had to resort to breaking open the lock...thankfully these were not central locks like today....the flat mates would come out probably thanking me for some kind of entertainment or worse cursing me for tickling them out of their sleep or most probably listening to the banging as a kind of violent pseudo-coital gesture on my part...me being a bachelor and all that....

now having broke open my own front door what would i have found...the same emptiness that suffused a sense of self belief i never found once i stepped out of my flat...the same ennui of having to wait for and take the same bus that inevitably would drop into the ocean of morons they refer to as university,the tea that never energises, the talk that borders on intellectual parody, the dusty library that envelops one's senses with a soporific bliss...

a decade has passed since i left university with a research degree and since then never lost my key to my house...what do i return to with such great monotonous relish then? the emptiness still prevails but it has become more meaningful...it matches the vacuity within....!